opinionGlobe readers’ responses to The Problem #4Warren ClementsDecember 20, 2022

There have been a satisfyingly giant variety of entries to those challenges. Thanks to all who entered. I stripped off the names, did the judging, and reattached the names – all coated by the provincial well being plan. As you will notice, some readers have a couple of entry, and entries in a couple of class. The place there have been two comparable entries, I flipped a coin – a widely known surgical process.

—Warren Clements

Problem #4

The problem was to reply the query, “How are you going to inform whenever you want a brand new financial institution?”

• All of the tellers have their arms up. (Diane Bethune)
• Your crypto account is housed below a church. (Jean-François Belanger)
• Your line of credit score has a shark on the opposite finish. (Elsie Wollaston)
• The financial institution’s coverage guide defines a “run on the financial institution” as “greater than 10 withdrawals in extra of $100 over a 24-hour interval.” (David Stones)
• For the sake of effectivity all e-transfers have the identical safety query and reply. (Cheryl Minuk)
• The Quarterly Report focuses solely on cash. (Claire Meranda)
• You ask the teller for a financial institution draft and so they say they by no means open the home windows. (Shirley Holmes)
• You say it’s time to attract in your nest egg and your adviser offers you a field of crayons. (Shirley Shikaze)
• You ask to be related with customer support. The one who solutions says, “Thanks for calling the Consolidated Financial institution of Prepare dinner Islands, Cayman Islands, Lichtenstein, and Mattel Toys.” (Eric Mendelsohn)
• You ask Alexa to dial your financial institution, and he or she tells you to place your cash in a sock. (Charles Crockford)
• The department supervisor is standing beside the ATM holding an olive department. (Lou D’Souza)
• ATMs are electrified. The more money you withdraw, the stronger the shock you get. (Invoice Glover)
• Your banker advises you to create your personal avatar inside per week since all banking inside that establishment will probably be finished within the Metaverse. (Charles Friedrich)
• You stroll into your department carrying a COVID masks and so they hand over all the cash. (Nigel Brachi)
• You ask if the loans officer is in right now and also you’re instructed that you simply’re in luck, he’s on probation now. (Marlene Brown)
• Your banker says you’ve 100,000 however can’t bear in mind the forex. Italian lira? (David Roberts)
• After you make a deposit, the teller asks should you actually need it again. (Anya Orzechowska)
• You retain receiving overdue notices for kidney donations. (Jane Cunningham)
• Your financial institution’s provide of payments arrives at evening, as a result of through the day the supply truck sells ice cream within the neighbourhood. (Charles Crockford)
• Seven financial institution staff have skilled mysterious knee accidents up to now a number of weeks. (David Stones)
• Your financial institution supervisor urges you to open a Not-So-Good financial savings account. (William Aide)
• The financial institution is evasive whenever you ask why there are citation marks round “assured” on their GIC ads. (Meredith Briglio)
• The best ranking within the financial institution’s customer support survey is “so-so.” (Grace T.)
• All tellers are wearing jail uniforms. (Peter Barwin)
• The posted hours say 5 to 9, and it’s not a typo. (Lesley Palms Wilson)
• The ATM begins shelling out Canadian Tire cash, albeit at par. (John Rankin)
• A lottery is used to assign rates of interest for particular person saving accounts. (Cheryl Minuk)
• The financial institution offers you a floating fee mortgage, however it’s designed to drift so excessive that you’re quickly underwater. (Colin McNairn)
• Within the newest instance of downloading companies to prospects, the financial institution asks you to rely out your personal withdrawals from their neat stacks of payments. (Henry Ko)
• Your financial institution supervisor is a magician. If you happen to miss a mortgage cost, he makes you disappear. (Charles Crockford)
• The monetary adviser tries to persuade you that contributing to a mutual fund is one thing that he will get to share with you. (Meredith Briglio)
• Your adviser tells you the C in CDIC stands for China. (Charles Friedrich)
• The financial institution’s vault is made out of Lego, and for safety’s sake it’s taken aside and rebuilt each week by the supervisor’s nephew. (Charles Crockford)
• Your monetary adviser’s workplace known as “the Shark Tank.” (Carl Bourassa)
• You make a deposit and the financial institution teller says she’d actually respect it should you might give a bit extra, as occasions are powerful. (Marlene Brown)
• The financial institution notes it dispenses bear the portrait of its CEO, with the serial quantity representing his annual wage. (Ian A.C. McCallum)
• The financial institution’s opening time depends upon how lengthy it takes the ink on its cash to dry. (Charles Crockford)
• The teller makes use of an abacus to calculate your steadiness. (David Stones)
• Their pandemic coverage is that in case you are a robber carrying a balaclava then you definitely don’t want a masks. (David Roberts)
• They inform you you need to time the markets as a result of they shut at 4:00 day-after-day. (Claire Meranda)
• The financial institution teller asks you for change to interrupt a fifty. (Grace T.)
• Tellers have private donation containers on the counter. (Invoice Glover)
• The financial institution’s dad or mum firm is the “South Financial institution of the St. Lawrence River.” (Charles Crockford)